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David Larlet vor 3 Jahren
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<header>
<h1>Best laid plans</h1>
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<p>In 1941, my grandmother—my Dad’s Mum—was at home celebrating her daughter Joanna’s 2nd birthday. In the middle of the festivities, a German fighter plane dropped a bomb on the house. Joanna was killed instantly and my grandmother was badly injured, narrowly missing a leg amputation.</p>
<p>On 1 April 1950, my other grandmother—my Mum’s Mum—was waiting for a taxi to take her to the church to marry my grandfather, who was nervously pacing while he waited for her arrival. The taxi, having been booked fairly last minute and on 1 April, assumed it was an April Fools’ joke and never turned up. My grandmother had no choice but to run into the street and hitchhike to her wedding.</p>
<p>In October 2016 I went to pick up a new kitten. He was the only boy in the litter and I’d chosen him from some pictures the owners had sent me. He had huge blue eyes, great big paws and a little white patch over one eye. I couldn’t wait to bring him home. I arrived at the house and was shown to the kittens. They handed him to me, and it was—on his part at least—disdain at first sight. He pushed his tiny paws into my chest with all his might, craning away from me and mewling desperately to be put down. I knew in my heart of hearts: this was not my cat.</p>
<p>In May 2020 I was in the middle of my first client contract and had just signed an extension for 6 months. I started to get unexplained pain and a rash on my neck and head and one day—without much warning—I became paralysed on one side of my face. I was diagnosed with a rare neurological condition called Ramsay Hunt Syndrome. I was told there was a 50% chance I wouldn’t get the movement in my face back, and had to quit my job while I recovered.</p>
<p>After nearly 2 years of this pandemic, on Friday, we received news of a new variant that’s left lots of us feeling scared, angry, and wondering if we’re going back to square one.</p>
<h2>Accepting setbacks</h2>
<p>When our plans go awry it can be a mild inconvenience, a difficult adjustment, or an excruciating blow that leaves you wondering “how on earth am I going to get through this?”.</p>
<p>When my plans are side-swiped I have a tendency to try and rush to acceptance. I feel like every second spent lamenting what’s happened is another second I’m not moving forward, into something new and more positive.</p>
<p>But here’s what I’m learning: Rushing to move past a setback and into plan B is not—as I often tell myself—an efficient form of acceptance. It’s a numbing strategy, intellectualising a solution to avoid facing up to the disappointment or the anguish of losing plan A. Thinking so we don’t have to feel.</p>
<p>And it doesn't work. Telling yourself something doesn’t matter doesn’t make it not matter. Pain has a funny way of demanding your attention one way or another—putting it off is just racking up debt on an emotional credit card. Eventually, you're going to have to pay.</p>
<p>I asked my friend—a therapist—what he thinks about acceptance, and what to do when bad things happen—and he said something that stuck with me: “Acceptance means you give yourself to yourself as you are.”</p>
<p>That means feeling the loss of plan A: whether that's losing someone we love who wasn't supposed to go, a wedding plan gone-awry, a kitten who patently hates you, an unexpected illness, or another twist in a relentless pandemic.</p>
<p>Acknowledging our reaction, whether it's what we'd choose to feel or not, is helpful. Why? Because it's an essential part of acceptance.</p>
<p>The good and the bad news is that there's always a next chapter.</p>
<h2>The story continues</h2>
<p>I’m not going to say that everything happens for a reason. Some things are <em>just</em> awful, and we’ll never be able to be glad they happened.</p>
<p>What I do believe is that life continues to unfold after its plot twists.</p>
<p>My grandmother whose daughter was killed in World War II was only ever going to have 2 children. After Joanna died, she had my uncle, and after my uncle, she had my Dad. If it weren’t for that night, neither he nor I would be here, and you wouldn’t be reading this blog post.</p>
<p>And my other grandmother—the one who hitchhiked to her wedding? She made it to the church. She married my grandfather and made the front page of the newspaper. They were happily married for 40 years before he died. They had 3 children and 9 grandchildren. She lived another 25 years, and regaled us often with the story of their wedding day over a glass of sherry.</p>
<p>As the kitten wriggled crossly in my arms and I silently wondered if I could reasonably adopt an animal who clearly despised me, my best friend crouched down behind me and picked up his sister. I turned around to see a scruffy, docile little black bundle sitting happily in her arms, with enormous whiskers and a signature white chin that made her look like she was frowning. She is now a 5 year old cat called Mabel, who purred all the way home that day and has been an enormous beating heart in our family ever since.</p>
<p>And as for my face, I slowly regained movement and am now pretty much back to normal. I took 2 months off to rest, read, listen to podcasts and sit outside in the sunshine. I realised work wasn’t the only important thing in my life and I learned that I’m tougher than I ever gave myself credit for, when I need to be.</p>
<p>I don’t know where we go from here, with this latest pandemic setback, but I do know that things will keep moving.</p>
<p>And if you feel bad today, feel bad. Feel sad or angry or scared or whatever it is you need to feel. Give yourself to yourself as you are.</p>
<p>Things will keep changing. Life will keep unfolding. We will keep going.</p>
</article>


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title: Best laid plans
url: https://amyhupe.co.uk/articles/best-laid-plans/
hash_url: 2907a858e38eeffe0deacb60ea3e6de8

<p>In 1941, my grandmother—my Dad’s Mum—was at home celebrating her daughter Joanna’s 2nd birthday. In the middle of the festivities, a German fighter plane dropped a bomb on the house. Joanna was killed instantly and my grandmother was badly injured, narrowly missing a leg amputation.</p>
<p>On 1 April 1950, my other grandmother—my Mum’s Mum—was waiting for a taxi to take her to the church to marry my grandfather, who was nervously pacing while he waited for her arrival. The taxi, having been booked fairly last minute and on 1 April, assumed it was an April Fools’ joke and never turned up. My grandmother had no choice but to run into the street and hitchhike to her wedding.</p>
<p>In October 2016 I went to pick up a new kitten. He was the only boy in the litter and I’d chosen him from some pictures the owners had sent me. He had huge blue eyes, great big paws and a little white patch over one eye. I couldn’t wait to bring him home. I arrived at the house and was shown to the kittens. They handed him to me, and it was—on his part at least—disdain at first sight. He pushed his tiny paws into my chest with all his might, craning away from me and mewling desperately to be put down. I knew in my heart of hearts: this was not my cat.</p>
<p>In May 2020 I was in the middle of my first client contract and had just signed an extension for 6 months. I started to get unexplained pain and a rash on my neck and head and one day—without much warning—I became paralysed on one side of my face. I was diagnosed with a rare neurological condition called Ramsay Hunt Syndrome. I was told there was a 50% chance I wouldn’t get the movement in my face back, and had to quit my job while I recovered.</p>
<p>After nearly 2 years of this pandemic, on Friday, we received news of a new variant that’s left lots of us feeling scared, angry, and wondering if we’re going back to square one.</p>
<h2>Accepting setbacks</h2>
<p>When our plans go awry it can be a mild inconvenience, a difficult adjustment, or an excruciating blow that leaves you wondering “how on earth am I going to get through this?”.</p>
<p>When my plans are side-swiped I have a tendency to try and rush to acceptance. I feel like every second spent lamenting what’s happened is another second I’m not moving forward, into something new and more positive.</p>
<p>But here’s what I’m learning: Rushing to move past a setback and into plan B is not—as I often tell myself—an efficient form of acceptance. It’s a numbing strategy, intellectualising a solution to avoid facing up to the disappointment or the anguish of losing plan A. Thinking so we don’t have to feel.</p>
<p>And it doesn't work. Telling yourself something doesn’t matter doesn’t make it not matter. Pain has a funny way of demanding your attention one way or another—putting it off is just racking up debt on an emotional credit card. Eventually, you're going to have to pay.</p>
<p>I asked my friend—a therapist—what he thinks about acceptance, and what to do when bad things happen—and he said something that stuck with me: “Acceptance means you give yourself to yourself as you are.”</p>
<p>That means feeling the loss of plan A: whether that's losing someone we love who wasn't supposed to go, a wedding plan gone-awry, a kitten who patently hates you, an unexpected illness, or another twist in a relentless pandemic.</p>
<p>Acknowledging our reaction, whether it's what we'd choose to feel or not, is helpful. Why? Because it's an essential part of acceptance.</p>
<p>The good and the bad news is that there's always a next chapter.</p>
<h2>The story continues</h2>
<p>I’m not going to say that everything happens for a reason. Some things are <em>just</em> awful, and we’ll never be able to be glad they happened.</p>
<p>What I do believe is that life continues to unfold after its plot twists.</p>
<p>My grandmother whose daughter was killed in World War II was only ever going to have 2 children. After Joanna died, she had my uncle, and after my uncle, she had my Dad. If it weren’t for that night, neither he nor I would be here, and you wouldn’t be reading this blog post.</p>
<p>And my other grandmother—the one who hitchhiked to her wedding? She made it to the church. She married my grandfather and made the front page of the newspaper. They were happily married for 40 years before he died. They had 3 children and 9 grandchildren. She lived another 25 years, and regaled us often with the story of their wedding day over a glass of sherry.</p>
<p>As the kitten wriggled crossly in my arms and I silently wondered if I could reasonably adopt an animal who clearly despised me, my best friend crouched down behind me and picked up his sister. I turned around to see a scruffy, docile little black bundle sitting happily in her arms, with enormous whiskers and a signature white chin that made her look like she was frowning. She is now a 5 year old cat called Mabel, who purred all the way home that day and has been an enormous beating heart in our family ever since.</p>
<p>And as for my face, I slowly regained movement and am now pretty much back to normal. I took 2 months off to rest, read, listen to podcasts and sit outside in the sunshine. I realised work wasn’t the only important thing in my life and I learned that I’m tougher than I ever gave myself credit for, when I need to be.</p>
<p>I don’t know where we go from here, with this latest pandemic setback, but I do know that things will keep moving.</p>
<p>And if you feel bad today, feel bad. Feel sad or angry or scared or whatever it is you need to feel. Give yourself to yourself as you are.</p>
<p>Things will keep changing. Life will keep unfolding. We will keep going.</p>

+ 214
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<article>
<header>
<h1>Worry time</h1>
</header>
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<p>I’ve been thinking lately about how a lot of anxiety-management advice can feel quite vague. When people say things like “learn to accept your feelings”, I can grasp that in theory but struggle to know what it means in practice.</p>
<p>With that in mind, I thought I’d share a practical technique that I use when I’m feeling overwhelmed.</p>
<p>It’s an actual thing I learned in therapy, not something I made up, but I think there are variations on how to do it.</p>
<p>Here’s my version.</p>
<h2>What is worry time?</h2>
<p>Worry time is the act of setting aside time each day to let yourself worry about the things that are making you anxious.</p>
<p>For those of us who are prone to worrying and ruminating over and above what's helpful to us, it serves 2 purposes:</p>
<ol>
<li>It allows us to postpone our worries throughout the day, safe in the knowledge that we'll get a chance to think about them at the designated time.</li>
<li>It can help us to worry more “productively”, recognising what we can and can’t control and planning to take appropriate action.</li>
</ol>
<h2>Postponing worries</h2>
<p>An important part of worry time is postponing anxious thoughts that pop up throughout the day until worry time.</p>
<p>For me, this means writing them down in my bullet journal or my phone. If a lot of my anxious thoughts are on the same subject, I keep a tally of how many times they’ve come up.</p>
<p>Something I’ve learned is that it’s helpful to keep the descriptions of my anxious thoughts as brief as possible. This stops the act of postponing them becoming another way to get caught up in them.</p>
<p>For example, if I’m anxious about COVID-19, I won’t write “I’m anxious about catching COVID-19 and becoming really ill or having to isolate”. Instead I’ll write the minimum I need to remind me. For example, “COVID”.</p>
<h2>The best time to worry</h2>
<p>I’ve read that it’s good to try and do worry time at the same time each day. I think this is helpful, but not always possible.</p>
<p>Overall, I think it’s more helpful to have worry time than not to, so if I miss my designated time slot, I’ll just do it when I can.</p>
<p>The best time of day will be different for everyone. Personally, I’ve found the morning works best for me. I used to do my worry time at the end of the working day, but found that this left too much time throughout the day for my anxiety to accumulate. By the time 5pm came around, I’d feel really overwhelmed and found it hard to use the time constructively.</p>
<p>For me, having worry time in the morning means I feel I’ve “taken charge” of my anxiety before the day has started, which helps me feel more in control.</p>
<h2>My worry time process</h2>
<p>I typically allow 20 minutes for worry time, and no more than 30. I use a timer to make sure I don’t go over.</p>
<p>If I’m feeling very anxious and struggling to separate my thoughts, I’ll start with 10 minutes of <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/journaling-a-great-tool-for-coping-with-anxiety-3144672#freewriting">free-writing</a>. This helps me to pick out themes in my thought processes an gives me a clue about what my mind is fixating on.</p>
<p>When I get to the worry time, I open up a page in my notebook or a Google Doc and use the following 3 headings to write down my thoughts.</p>
<h3>What’s on my mind</h3>
<p>Here I make a bullet list of the things I’m worried about. I try not to go into too much detail, and just include a sentence on each.</p>
<h3>What’s happening</h3>
<p>I use this section to list:</p>
<ul>
<li>external events that are impacting me</li>
<li>behaviours that are impacting my anxiety levels</li>
</ul>
<p>For example, today I’ve listed that I’ve had a busy day of meetings, that I’m recovering from a cold, and that I’ve been doom-scrolling on Twitter and news platforms.</p>
<h3>What I’ll do today</h3>
<p>Here I list 3-7 things I’m going to do to try and tackle my worries today. This is enough to make me feel like I’m making a difference, without being overwhelming.</p>
<p>Often I’ll list the same things, like 10 minutes of meditation, going out for a walk, phoning a friend or family member for a chat.</p>
<p>Sometimes I can add more specific actions, like having a day off social media, or taking some vitamin C to help shift my cold.</p>
<h2>The value of regular, time-limited worry</h2>
<p>I find worry time a really useful way of helping me to step back and view my anxiety objectively, to recognise what’s impacting it, and to identify what I can and can’t control.</p>
<p>Doing it regularly stops me from overthinking it and worrying about getting it exactly right. I know if I miss something, I’ll have another go tomorrow.</p>
<p>Like any anxiety-management technique, worry time isn’t magic, but I’ve definitely found it to be one of the more useful tools in my arsenal.</p>
<p>If you decide to give it a try, I hope it helps you too. And if you have any questions, let me know and I’ll do my best to answer them.</p>
</article>


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cache/2021/84f3139a5d033e4a6ffc5389ba520ebe/index.md Datei anzeigen

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title: Worry time
url: https://amyhupe.co.uk/articles/worry-time/
hash_url: 84f3139a5d033e4a6ffc5389ba520ebe

<p>I’ve been thinking lately about how a lot of anxiety-management advice can feel quite vague. When people say things like “learn to accept your feelings”, I can grasp that in theory but struggle to know what it means in practice.</p>
<p>With that in mind, I thought I’d share a practical technique that I use when I’m feeling overwhelmed.</p>
<p>It’s an actual thing I learned in therapy, not something I made up, but I think there are variations on how to do it.</p>
<p>Here’s my version.</p>
<h2>What is worry time?</h2>
<p>Worry time is the act of setting aside time each day to let yourself worry about the things that are making you anxious.</p>
<p>For those of us who are prone to worrying and ruminating over and above what's helpful to us, it serves 2 purposes:</p>
<ol>
<li>It allows us to postpone our worries throughout the day, safe in the knowledge that we'll get a chance to think about them at the designated time.</li>
<li>It can help us to worry more “productively”, recognising what we can and can’t control and planning to take appropriate action.</li>
</ol>
<h2>Postponing worries</h2>
<p>An important part of worry time is postponing anxious thoughts that pop up throughout the day until worry time.</p>
<p>For me, this means writing them down in my bullet journal or my phone. If a lot of my anxious thoughts are on the same subject, I keep a tally of how many times they’ve come up.</p>
<p>Something I’ve learned is that it’s helpful to keep the descriptions of my anxious thoughts as brief as possible. This stops the act of postponing them becoming another way to get caught up in them.</p>
<p>For example, if I’m anxious about COVID-19, I won’t write “I’m anxious about catching COVID-19 and becoming really ill or having to isolate”. Instead I’ll write the minimum I need to remind me. For example, “COVID”.</p>
<h2>The best time to worry</h2>
<p>I’ve read that it’s good to try and do worry time at the same time each day. I think this is helpful, but not always possible.</p>
<p>Overall, I think it’s more helpful to have worry time than not to, so if I miss my designated time slot, I’ll just do it when I can.</p>
<p>The best time of day will be different for everyone. Personally, I’ve found the morning works best for me. I used to do my worry time at the end of the working day, but found that this left too much time throughout the day for my anxiety to accumulate. By the time 5pm came around, I’d feel really overwhelmed and found it hard to use the time constructively.</p>
<p>For me, having worry time in the morning means I feel I’ve “taken charge” of my anxiety before the day has started, which helps me feel more in control.</p>
<h2>My worry time process</h2>
<p>I typically allow 20 minutes for worry time, and no more than 30. I use a timer to make sure I don’t go over.</p>
<p>If I’m feeling very anxious and struggling to separate my thoughts, I’ll start with 10 minutes of <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/journaling-a-great-tool-for-coping-with-anxiety-3144672#freewriting">free-writing</a>. This helps me to pick out themes in my thought processes an gives me a clue about what my mind is fixating on.</p>
<p>When I get to the worry time, I open up a page in my notebook or a Google Doc and use the following 3 headings to write down my thoughts.</p>
<h3>What’s on my mind</h3>
<p>Here I make a bullet list of the things I’m worried about. I try not to go into too much detail, and just include a sentence on each.</p>
<h3>What’s happening</h3>
<p>I use this section to list:</p>
<ul>
<li>external events that are impacting me</li>
<li>behaviours that are impacting my anxiety levels</li>
</ul>
<p>For example, today I’ve listed that I’ve had a busy day of meetings, that I’m recovering from a cold, and that I’ve been doom-scrolling on Twitter and news platforms.</p>
<h3>What I’ll do today</h3>
<p>Here I list 3-7 things I’m going to do to try and tackle my worries today. This is enough to make me feel like I’m making a difference, without being overwhelming.</p>
<p>Often I’ll list the same things, like 10 minutes of meditation, going out for a walk, phoning a friend or family member for a chat.</p>
<p>Sometimes I can add more specific actions, like having a day off social media, or taking some vitamin C to help shift my cold.</p>
<h2>The value of regular, time-limited worry</h2>
<p>I find worry time a really useful way of helping me to step back and view my anxiety objectively, to recognise what’s impacting it, and to identify what I can and can’t control.</p>
<p>Doing it regularly stops me from overthinking it and worrying about getting it exactly right. I know if I miss something, I’ll have another go tomorrow.</p>
<p>Like any anxiety-management technique, worry time isn’t magic, but I’ve definitely found it to be one of the more useful tools in my arsenal.</p>
<p>If you decide to give it a try, I hope it helps you too. And if you have any questions, let me know and I’ll do my best to answer them.</p>

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