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  <h1 class="hed-article">Make kin not nets</h1>

  <p class="article-meta u-layout">
    <time class="date">16 Jul 2024</time>
    <span class="by">by Mandy Brown</span>
  </p>

  <p><em>“UGH, I KNOW, I have to network.</em>” Whether I’m talking to someone bookish and quiet or a gregarious self-identified extrovert, the prospect of doing “networking” brings groans and heavy sighs almost every time. It’s a necessary evil, an uncomfortable chore, one they’ve put off for too long and now—when they are in need—can’t put off any longer. And yet I think a great many people would more cheerfully approach scrubbing their bathroom floor or cleaning out the garage than do the work of networking most days, no matter how much they know they need to do it.</p>

 <p>A common response to this complaint is that networking is good, actually, and we should all get over the weird hangups we have about it. We groan and sigh because we have imposter syndrome, or we fear failure, or we aren’t sufficiently confident in our own abilities, or we’re just huge babies who need to grow up and put our big pants on already. But I think all of this elides the real and justified reasons for feeling icky about networking: the act, as it’s usually discussed, distills human relationships into resources to be mined. It translates caring and caretaking for one another—one of the most meaningful and sacred acts any of us ever performs—into a utility, a “value-add,” an exchange of capital. It demeans the real friendship and camaraderie that emerges from working closely with other people on things that we are mutually and genuinely interested in.</p>

 <p>In other words, if networking feels bad, that’s because <em>networking feels bad</em>, not because you are wrong about networking.</p>

 <p>And yet: we <em>do</em> need to build relationships in our work and we need to be able to depend on them. We need to acknowledge our interdependence with respect to how we work and live among each other. We need this especially now, in an era of no longer creeping but leaping fascism and an escalating climate crisis. As always, we can only ever depend on each other. But we—you and me, every living, breathing human being who is reading these words right now—need not engage in a cynical and dehumanizing act in order to do that.</p>

 <p>So stop networking. <em>Kinwork,</em> instead.</p>

 <p>“Kinwork” refers to the work of creating and sustaining kin relationships. Think of the work of checking in on people, arranging gatherings, keeping up the group DM, providing emotional and material support. Because we live within deeply patriarchal societies, kinwork is usually coded as feminine and often presumed to be the work of women. It is also, and for the same reasons, typically disparaged. But I for one am unwilling to cede either point: I assert, instead, that kinwork is critical work for people of all genders, that knitting stronger relationships is a core survival skill in difficult times and in every part of our lives—including in our work lives.</p>

 <p>I’m using an expansive definition of <em>kin,</em> here, to refer not only to the (again) patriarchal nuclear family but also friends, roommates, neighbors, colleagues and comrades—everyone with whom we share our lives and are, at various points and to various degrees, interdependent with. I’m borrowing here from Donna Haraway’s concept of <a href="https://aworkinglibrary.com/writing/oddkin">oddkin</a>, in addition to godkin: that is, kin are not only the relationships we are born with but the ones we find ourselves among, whether by choice or circumstance. Kinwork is, then, the making and remaking of those relationships, the weaving together of people into ecosystems of support and care.</p>

 <p>Jettisoning networking in favor of kinworking means taking a more ecological approach, one oriented towards nurturing the soil, planting seeds, providing water and sunlight—and then accepting that you have no control over what grows. This is as opposed to the strip mining orientation so common to much traditional networking, the expectation of a trade in value, of a return on the investment. The difference is between the act of contributing to the ground on which you and others stand versus negotiating an exchange that leaves the earth barren and dry. Which is not to say that kinworking doesn’t deliver, but rather that what it delivers isn’t capital but <em>life</em>—that connected, abundant, joyful experience of living among people and working, together, for a better world.</p>

 <p>This is, to be plain, a narrative shift more than a tactical one. But stories are what make up our world; stories are what fuel all our possible futures. When you reach out to someone with the intent to make kin instead of catching them in a net, you are still asking for their attention, you are still vulnerable, still exposed to all the ways we can be awkward with one another, or do harm. Making kin isn’t <em>easy</em>—few things worth doing are. But it is <em>life-giving,</em> it is restorative and gratifying. It is the practice of curiosity and care, of connection rather than extraction, of cultivating common ground. And whether you are the one reaching out, or the one receiving the gift, making kin <em>feels good.</em> Because it <em>is</em> good. You can trust your instincts on that.<svg class="stopmark"><use xlink:href="/assets/img/ec-symbols.svg#stopmark"></use></svg></p>

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 title: Make kin not nets
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 <div class="post-content u-layout u-flow">
  <h1 class="hed-article">Make kin not nets</h1>

  <p class="article-meta u-layout">
    <time class="date">16 Jul 2024</time>
    <span class="by">by Mandy Brown</span>
  </p>

  <p><em>“UGH, I KNOW, I have to network.</em>” Whether I’m talking to someone bookish and quiet or a gregarious self-identified extrovert, the prospect of doing “networking” brings groans and heavy sighs almost every time. It’s a necessary evil, an uncomfortable chore, one they’ve put off for too long and now—when they are in need—can’t put off any longer. And yet I think a great many people would more cheerfully approach scrubbing their bathroom floor or cleaning out the garage than do the work of networking most days, no matter how much they know they need to do it.</p>

 <p>A common response to this complaint is that networking is good, actually, and we should all get over the weird hangups we have about it. We groan and sigh because we have imposter syndrome, or we fear failure, or we aren’t sufficiently confident in our own abilities, or we’re just huge babies who need to grow up and put our big pants on already. But I think all of this elides the real and justified reasons for feeling icky about networking: the act, as it’s usually discussed, distills human relationships into resources to be mined. It translates caring and caretaking for one another—one of the most meaningful and sacred acts any of us ever performs—into a utility, a “value-add,” an exchange of capital. It demeans the real friendship and camaraderie that emerges from working closely with other people on things that we are mutually and genuinely interested in.</p>

 <p>In other words, if networking feels bad, that’s because <em>networking feels bad</em>, not because you are wrong about networking.</p>

 <p>And yet: we <em>do</em> need to build relationships in our work and we need to be able to depend on them. We need to acknowledge our interdependence with respect to how we work and live among each other. We need this especially now, in an era of no longer creeping but leaping fascism and an escalating climate crisis. As always, we can only ever depend on each other. But we—you and me, every living, breathing human being who is reading these words right now—need not engage in a cynical and dehumanizing act in order to do that.</p>

 <p>So stop networking. <em>Kinwork,</em> instead.</p>

 <p>“Kinwork” refers to the work of creating and sustaining kin relationships. Think of the work of checking in on people, arranging gatherings, keeping up the group DM, providing emotional and material support. Because we live within deeply patriarchal societies, kinwork is usually coded as feminine and often presumed to be the work of women. It is also, and for the same reasons, typically disparaged. But I for one am unwilling to cede either point: I assert, instead, that kinwork is critical work for people of all genders, that knitting stronger relationships is a core survival skill in difficult times and in every part of our lives—including in our work lives.</p>

 <p>I’m using an expansive definition of <em>kin,</em> here, to refer not only to the (again) patriarchal nuclear family but also friends, roommates, neighbors, colleagues and comrades—everyone with whom we share our lives and are, at various points and to various degrees, interdependent with. I’m borrowing here from Donna Haraway’s concept of <a href="https://aworkinglibrary.com/writing/oddkin">oddkin</a>, in addition to godkin: that is, kin are not only the relationships we are born with but the ones we find ourselves among, whether by choice or circumstance. Kinwork is, then, the making and remaking of those relationships, the weaving together of people into ecosystems of support and care.</p>

 <p>Jettisoning networking in favor of kinworking means taking a more ecological approach, one oriented towards nurturing the soil, planting seeds, providing water and sunlight—and then accepting that you have no control over what grows. This is as opposed to the strip mining orientation so common to much traditional networking, the expectation of a trade in value, of a return on the investment. The difference is between the act of contributing to the ground on which you and others stand versus negotiating an exchange that leaves the earth barren and dry. Which is not to say that kinworking doesn’t deliver, but rather that what it delivers isn’t capital but <em>life</em>—that connected, abundant, joyful experience of living among people and working, together, for a better world.</p>

 <p>This is, to be plain, a narrative shift more than a tactical one. But stories are what make up our world; stories are what fuel all our possible futures. When you reach out to someone with the intent to make kin instead of catching them in a net, you are still asking for their attention, you are still vulnerable, still exposed to all the ways we can be awkward with one another, or do harm. Making kin isn’t <em>easy</em>—few things worth doing are. But it is <em>life-giving,</em> it is restorative and gratifying. It is the practice of curiosity and care, of connection rather than extraction, of cultivating common ground. And whether you are the one reaching out, or the one receiving the gift, making kin <em>feels good.</em> Because it <em>is</em> good. You can trust your instincts on that.<svg class="stopmark"><use xlink:href="/assets/img/ec-symbols.svg#stopmark"></use></svg></p>

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    <h1>We don’t need a boss, we need a process</h1>
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  <p>Everyone can agree that
 <em>design by committee</em> usually fails.
 But it’s not because
 there are multiple people involved,
 it’s because (most) <em>committees</em>
 are not made up of skilled collaborators
 with a shared vision and process.</p>
 <p>Shared vision and collaborative process
 don’t <em>just happen</em>
 when good developers sit around a table.
 Like anything else,
 collaborative art and design
 are skills that people learn and practice.
 We have to exercise new muscles,
 not usually covered by
 a developer bootcamp
 or design school.
 The process can have a lot in common
 with <em>agile</em> approaches,
 but it’s a different set of skills
 from collaborating on a codebase.</p>
 <p>Skills we can learn.
 But skills we won’t have
 unless we study and practice.</p>
 <p>Or we can skip all that
 and get one person to make all the decisions.
 That’s an option,
 but it’s not <em>the only way</em>.
 It’s just the way most of us were taught.</p>
 <p>I’m not saying this theoretically.
 Not all theaters or bands
 are collaborative, but many are –
 and there are long traditions
 around ‘devised’ or ‘ensemble’ theater in particular.
 Learning to <em>write plays</em> or <em>act in them</em>
 does not prepare you to devise with an ensemble,
 but there are many people who do
 study, learn, practice, document and teach those skills.</p>
 <p>(In fact, it’s what I’ve spent most of my life doing,
 with occasional CSS distractions)</p>
 <p>But I suppose Robin is right that
 even good collaboration
 generally <em>ain’t a democracy</em>.
 It’s more involved and messy than voting,
 or tallying a majority opinion.
 It requiring deep engagement,
 and shared ownership of a vision.
 Let’s call it anarchist, maybe,
 with an emphasis on mutual aid?</p>
 <p>Creative collaboration
 requires effort, argument, trust, and play.
 The ability to fight for an idea,
 and then let it go.
 To be open, and then decisive.
 Knowing when to work together,
 and when to work apart.
 Cycles of action, reaction, reflection, etc.</p>
 <p>Developers have excellent tools for that last bit –
 working together, while apart.
 Many artists would benefit from something like GitHub.
 These skills are not entirely unrelated.
 But they’re also not directly equivalent.</p>
 <p>I don’t remember the source,
 but at some point I learned
 that ‘brainstorming’ tends to fail
 because the strength of collaboration
 comes from <em>pushing back</em>.
 Not off-hand rejection,
 shooting ideas down –
 but honing our ideas
 by articulating what makes them work or fail.</p>
 <p>What we like about a dictator
 is that they have a vision,
 and set the process,
 and take the responsibility
 to be decisive when necessary.
 But it’s not impossible for us to do that together,
 if we learn how to hold a strong vision collectively.</p>
 <p>We must become a team,
 united against our work.
 Our job, together,
 is to hone and curate that work
 towards the exclusive vision
 through continuous questioning and articulation.</p>
 <p>We define a vision by the choices we make,
 and we clarify that vision by the choices we reject.</p>
 <p>(Now I want to re-read Anne Bogart’s
 <a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-director-prepares-seven-essays-on-art-and-theatre-anne-bogart/21516283?ean=9780415238328">A Director Prepares</a>,
 and
 <a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-viewpoints-book-a-practical-guide-to-viewpoints-and-composition-anne-bogart/10486980?ean=9781559362412">The Viewpoints Book</a>)</p>
 </article>


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--- a/cache/2024/e89c9b835d4d17acf35f6152c4ee68d3/index.md
+++ b/cache/2024/e89c9b835d4d17acf35f6152c4ee68d3/index.md
@@ -0,0 +1,99 @@
 title: We don’t need a boss, we need a process
 url: https://www.miriamsuzanne.com/2024/08/08/vision/
 hash_url: e89c9b835d4d17acf35f6152c4ee68d3
 archive_date: 2024-08-10
 og_image: https://www.miriamsuzanne.com/images/headshots/GBoSaie2zL-1600.jpeg
 description: (and our team will probably need some training)
 favicon: https://www.miriamsuzanne.com/favicon.svg
 language: en_US

 <p>Everyone can agree that
 <em>design by committee</em> usually fails.
 But it’s not because
 there are multiple people involved,
 it’s because (most) <em>committees</em>
 are not made up of skilled collaborators
 with a shared vision and process.</p>
 <p>Shared vision and collaborative process
 don’t <em>just happen</em>
 when good developers sit around a table.
 Like anything else,
 collaborative art and design
 are skills that people learn and practice.
 We have to exercise new muscles,
 not usually covered by
 a developer bootcamp
 or design school.
 The process can have a lot in common
 with <em>agile</em> approaches,
 but it’s a different set of skills
 from collaborating on a codebase.</p>
 <p>Skills we can learn.
 But skills we won’t have
 unless we study and practice.</p>
 <p>Or we can skip all that
 and get one person to make all the decisions.
 That’s an option,
 but it’s not <em>the only way</em>.
 It’s just the way most of us were taught.</p>
 <p>I’m not saying this theoretically.
 Not all theaters or bands
 are collaborative, but many are –
 and there are long traditions
 around ‘devised’ or ‘ensemble’ theater in particular.
 Learning to <em>write plays</em> or <em>act in them</em>
 does not prepare you to devise with an ensemble,
 but there are many people who do
 study, learn, practice, document and teach those skills.</p>
 <p>(In fact, it’s what I’ve spent most of my life doing,
 with occasional CSS distractions)</p>
 <p>But I suppose Robin is right that
 even good collaboration
 generally <em>ain’t a democracy</em>.
 It’s more involved and messy than voting,
 or tallying a majority opinion.
 It requiring deep engagement,
 and shared ownership of a vision.
 Let’s call it anarchist, maybe,
 with an emphasis on mutual aid?</p>
 <p>Creative collaboration
 requires effort, argument, trust, and play.
 The ability to fight for an idea,
 and then let it go.
 To be open, and then decisive.
 Knowing when to work together,
 and when to work apart.
 Cycles of action, reaction, reflection, etc.</p>
 <p>Developers have excellent tools for that last bit –
 working together, while apart.
 Many artists would benefit from something like GitHub.
 These skills are not entirely unrelated.
 But they’re also not directly equivalent.</p>
 <p>I don’t remember the source,
 but at some point I learned
 that ‘brainstorming’ tends to fail
 because the strength of collaboration
 comes from <em>pushing back</em>.
 Not off-hand rejection,
 shooting ideas down –
 but honing our ideas
 by articulating what makes them work or fail.</p>
 <p>What we like about a dictator
 is that they have a vision,
 and set the process,
 and take the responsibility
 to be decisive when necessary.
 But it’s not impossible for us to do that together,
 if we learn how to hold a strong vision collectively.</p>
 <p>We must become a team,
 united against our work.
 Our job, together,
 is to hone and curate that work
 towards the exclusive vision
 through continuous questioning and articulation.</p>
 <p>We define a vision by the choices we make,
 and we clarify that vision by the choices we reject.</p>
 <p>(Now I want to re-read Anne Bogart’s
 <a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-director-prepares-seven-essays-on-art-and-theatre-anne-bogart/21516283?ean=9780415238328">A Director Prepares</a>,
 and
 <a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-viewpoints-book-a-practical-guide-to-viewpoints-and-composition-anne-bogart/10486980?ean=9781559362412">The Viewpoints Book</a>)</p>
--- a/cache/2024/index.html
+++ b/cache/2024/index.html
@@ -110,6 +110,8 @@
      
        <li><a href="/david/cache/2024/b39aef611801e2b15f189e8d02586b88/" title="Accès à l’article dans le cache local : Notes From “You Are Not A Gadget”">Notes From “You Are Not A Gadget”</a> (<a href="https://blog.jim-nielsen.com/2024/notes-from-you-are-not-a-gadget/" title="Accès à l’article original distant : Notes From “You Are Not A Gadget”">original</a>)</li>
      
        <li><a href="/david/cache/2024/e89c9b835d4d17acf35f6152c4ee68d3/" title="Accès à l’article dans le cache local : We don’t need a boss, we need a process">We don’t need a boss, we need a process</a> (<a href="https://www.miriamsuzanne.com/2024/08/08/vision/" title="Accès à l’article original distant : We don’t need a boss, we need a process">original</a>)</li>
      
        <li><a href="/david/cache/2024/55f475e327a5d1c4851e1e67b19c83e6/" title="Accès à l’article dans le cache local : Notre accompagnement">Notre accompagnement</a> (<a href="https://updr.fr/notre-accompagnement/" title="Accès à l’article original distant : Notre accompagnement">original</a>)</li>
      
        <li><a href="/david/cache/2024/d236f33cf82727313d17cb23bf36a395/" title="Accès à l’article dans le cache local : Reconsider your partnership with Brave">Reconsider your partnership with Brave</a> (<a href="https://kagifeedback.org/d/2808-reconsider-your-partnership-with-brave/6" title="Accès à l’article original distant : Reconsider your partnership with Brave">original</a>)</li>
@@ -424,6 +426,8 @@
      
        <li><a href="/david/cache/2024/1929f7183f694c7abeafeddb891fcf50/" title="Accès à l’article dans le cache local : Crise des opioïdes : pourquoi il ne faut ni l'oublier ni l'ignorer">Crise des opioïdes : pourquoi il ne faut ni l'oublier ni l'ignorer</a> (<a href="https://basta.media/crise-des-opioides-pourquoi-il-ne-faut-ni-oublier-ni-ignorer" title="Accès à l’article original distant : Crise des opioïdes : pourquoi il ne faut ni l'oublier ni l'ignorer">original</a>)</li>
      
        <li><a href="/david/cache/2024/c05e9b12fb3f7f4dd3ab59130fba726e/" title="Accès à l’article dans le cache local : Make kin not nets">Make kin not nets</a> (<a href="https://everythingchanges.us/blog/make-kin-not-nets/" title="Accès à l’article original distant : Make kin not nets">original</a>)</li>
      
        <li><a href="/david/cache/2024/a122504621c3c5318c0bdee38ef4479b/" title="Accès à l’article dans le cache local : Capo.js: A five minute web performance boost">Capo.js: A five minute web performance boost</a> (<a href="https://frontendmasters.com/blog/capo-js-a-five-minute-web-performance-boost/" title="Accès à l’article original distant : Capo.js: A five minute web performance boost">original</a>)</li>
      
        <li><a href="/david/cache/2024/6bfc6bd7bc1d9158aa7f6591123e7f4b/" title="Accès à l’article dans le cache local : The Simplest Ways to Handle HTML Includes">The Simplest Ways to Handle HTML Includes</a> (<a href="https://css-tricks.com/the-simplest-ways-to-handle-html-includes/" title="Accès à l’article original distant : The Simplest Ways to Handle HTML Includes">original</a>)</li>